The Mantra

I'm not a doctor.  In case you didn't know.  Sure, I've made plenty of diagnoses over the years.  Online.  Can't say I've often been right.  I swear that I had scurvy that one time!  No, I'm not a doctor.  So when it comes to the field of medicine, I don't know what I'm talking about, and I make no claims that I do. 

I'm a healthy person.  I've had some minor hurdles here and there.  The most significant physical challenge I've confronted basis is my back problem, though salmonella was no great shakes.  I remember first hurting my back when I was living in Manhattan.  While I'm fairly certain the injury was sustained in a bad skiing fall weeks earlier, the pain didn't arrive until I gave Tai Bo a whirl.  I was never diagnosed with anything back then.  My doctor didn't order any x-rays or MRIs, but I'm certain the pain was more than muscular.  I couldn't stand.  I couldn't walk.  I couldn't dress myself.  Thank God I had Rachel to take care of me.

The experience of feeling my body betray me inspired me to get back into shape.  So I started running.  6 months later I ran my first marathon.  That speaks less about my ability to achieve than it does about my obsessiveness.  I ran 3 more marathons over the next several years.  Sometime after that final marathon, my back started to give way again, only this time is was far more persistent.  An MRI revealed a herniated disc between L5 and S1.  After months of conservative treatment options, I was referred to a surgeon.  I had surgery in August, 2006.  I was told not to lift anything significant for 6 weeks.  6 weeks, to the day, after my surgery, Elly was born.  I guess God smiled upon me that year as lifting and carrying my newborn daughter would no long pose any threat to my healing back.

I slowly reintroduced running to my life, but I was never able to run for more than a few weeks or so without being forced to take a break of equal length because of a resurgence of my back pain.  This time I was told that I had degenerative disc disease.  The doc said that the disc between L5 and S1 was so thin that I would never run again without pain.  He told me to quit running.  It was hard for me to hear, but, at the time, it was also a bit of relief.  At least I would no longer have false hope.  I would move on.

Fast forward nearly 5 years and I feel draw to compete in an Ironman.  Hmmm....That's going to require me to run 26.2 miles and countless more in preparation.  That's when I came across a book- Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, by John E. Sarno, M.D.  Again, I'm no doctor.  I cannot vouch for the medical efficacy of any particular treatment or theory.  All I can do is share my own experience.  Sarno suggests that many people's back pain, and other physical ailments as well, are a consequence of emotional stress. 

I happen to be a pretty emotional person.  I feel things deeply.  Most people outside of my immediate family don't know that about me, however, because, I tend to keep those feelings hidden deep inside.  I guess that makes me a perfect candidate for emotion-induced physical pain.  I've always known that I had a nervous stomach, but I never really considered that my back issues might be driven by my stresses and anxiety.  Sarno suggests that "growing pains" in young children are another physical expression of physical emotional pain.  I was a nervous kid and I certainly suffered from growing pains.  Often.

Sarno suggest recognizing the source of emotional stress, not hiding from it and allowing itself to manifest in the back or stomach or wherever.  He feels it's important to acknowledge the possibility that physical pain can be an unhealthy manifestation of emotions.  He even goes so far as to suggest people adopt a mantra.

So what do I have to loose?  I figured that I'd give it a shot. 

"I will not allow my emotions to negatively impact the physical health of my body." 

I've never said that aloud in front of anyone.  I've never written it until now.  But I utter it probably a dozen times or more each day.  Anytime I experience a usual anxiety trigger, or confront a brand new source of stress, anytime I feel a slight ache or pain in my back or leg or wherever one might appear, I silently utter, accept and firmly believe, "I will not allow my emotions to negatively impact the physical health of my body."

I had several months of running under my belt before I registered for Ironman Wisconsin.  I've had no problems with my back since reintroducing this activity into my life.  I don't know if it's my mantra or any of Sarno's advice that has, thus far, helped to protect and preserve my back.  I'm not a doctor.  But I believe it has, and that's good enough for me.  After all, this whole journey is a journey of faith.  I would never have taken the first steps down it if I didn't fiercely believe...